26 June 2011

Life Has Gotten In the Way

Well, clearly, as my lack of poss surely gives testament to the title, I have had a lackluster track record with maintaining this blog. Can it even really be considered a blog anymore? It's pretty much devolved to a site where I random post bits and blobs and incoherent rants intermittently as I remember that it exists. This project has become my one time pet python, Artex. I would often forget about him as well, but not to the point of death. I always managed to keep him fed, since he didn't need to eat but once every couple of weeks. I just didn't familiarize him with social skills and the feeling of being played with on a daily basis, as such he revolted against me and slithered off into the sunset one day. Luckily the internet can't just slide away from me, it's far too massive.

Anyway, I have been writing, and meaning to post them here but just haven't gotten around to it in the last six weeks. As such, and rather than bombard one post with a shitload of words that would lead to TL;DR I will, over the course of the next few days or so, disperse these ramblings. What follows is an untitled string of thoughts I had a while back and expounded upon, polishing them and making them seem slightly more intelligent yet intelligible. Read, don't read, it's all the same. In fact, I contend more people will not read this than will, which is nothing new for me.

 
           There is an old proverb about shoes that people like to throw around now and again when they feel the need to express disdain with another’s actions. Everyone has heard it, more than they would have liked, and most, if not all, simply disregard this antiquated piece of historical wisdom as nothing more than a saying that people throw around. Some people may take this in stride, or even to heart, but that is not to say that this particular piece of knowledge is good or even true. Like many old sayings, this adage is just that.

“Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their shoes.”

            Now, as colloquialisms go this one is seemingly sound -- don’t rush to a conclusion before you know the tribulations of someone. And that’s a relatively nice sentiment for an idyllic society. Except that there is no idyllic society. So really this wisdom, for what it’s worth, is less about sympathy and more about stealing shoes. And although that train of thought has been played out by the sarcastic smart asses of the world, there really is no other way to spin this piece of antiquity. Or is there?
            We have all been taught that theft of other people’s property is wrong. When we are but wee lads and lasses, dribbling down our chins and shitting on our asses, there are numerous adult type persons telling us the rights and wrongs of every day societal expectation. Don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t lie, don’t be a dick, don’t have bestial thoughts about your neighbor’s donkey or wife. Pretty basic stuff given that those things seem to be large in scale and thus are easier ideas to which to adhere. The broad strokes of life are typically ideas and concepts which are devoid of emotional involvement, making them easier to grasp and follow. After all, nothing is difficult when you have no grasp of feelings or emotions.
            Feelings, from an early stage, are much easier to comprehend and understand than emotions. Feelings, by and large, stem from a sort of built-in systemic notion that those people around are comfortable, non-threatening, safe. Being able to feel safe and comforted is often the first thing people notice within themselves as people. Feelings, much like the broad strokes, require no output or reciprocity from the receiver in terms of expectation. Emotions, on the other hand, once they are introduced through repetitious feelings are much more difficult. Emotions require planning, they require interaction with other people, require confrontation of one’s own shortfalls. Emotions, in short, suck the life out of humanity and force feed right into poor cognitive and logical ability.
            It is true that a life devoid of emotion is no life at all. Emotions provide an interaction with others that can take place on a deeper level and allow people of various backgrounds to become involved and invested in the well being of society as a whole. Therefore, it is fruitless and asinine to attempt to deride emotions as inhibiting the betterment or continuance of a functioning society.

Functional society

Insomuch that society exists, one cannot argue that point. That society is functional is little more than a marginal assumption that people in general have the ability to produce results comparable to progressive action. However, that is not to say that society as a whole does not progress or produce resultant action. Every action is capable of producing some type of reaction; everyone knows this fact thanks to Newton or some old dead guy making up the rules as he floated through life. And these reactions will, typically, have the quality of being opposite and equal to the initial action imparted upon them. Therefore, to say that society is incapable of function is at best a fallacy notwithstanding.
But to say that society lacks function would be a fair statement given that the basic idea behind a function is that a positive result is produced. While many actions are capable of yielding a positive reactionary, there are countless others that give way to a negative end, and this impedes and inhibits the connotation of functionality altogether.
For example, let us say that someone, anyone, were to see fit to commit an heinous act; something like sexual assault of a child. This action, obviously, is not something that, in and of itself, would ever be considered acceptable or good. Thus it would follow that the outcome and reaction of such an action would therefore be negative, both for the aggressor and the victim, not to mention those not directly involved but directly affected thereby. Granted this example is somewhat esoteric but will serve its purpose.
Now this act, deplorable and vile, is nevertheless something chosen for a specific purpose. Such purpose cannot be fully known or understood by those outside the situation itself, but can be speculated against in order to take a better understanding of the why, moreover to make people feel more at ease or more riotous. For even though one may not agree with the action taken, the fact that it happens exists and, by virtue of the nature of life, produces reaction. More often than not, the resultant reaction is one of disgust, at least insofar as those outside the direct action are concerned. But what about the reaction this causes to those within the action; on the front lines.
For the aggressor, the result would be, most likely, that of exceeding happiness and excitement. The entire idea behind such a violently brazen action speaks to this end. Control over another being’s vitality and sanity is a powerful feeling indeed. From the first taste to the last, this control is something that must continually be fed and exercised regularly to maintain a homeostatic balance within the aggressor’s own mind. More or less, this action is little more than a disease which can never be quelled.
Unfortunately, though not for such an aggressor, the result is often that the victim in such instances becomes unsettled and distrusting of all humanity. And this reaction grows and spreads throughout the course of a lifetime, impacting numerous people along the way; drags others into the personal hell created by someone that may be unknown to them. Because of this initial reaction, which then would constitute an all new action as seen by outside entities, the world in general spirals into a deep mistrust of itself. And through this comes apocalypse.

Apocalypse.

            So many people are afraid of this word, or what it might bring, and no one knows for sure if such an event may happen at all. The traditional connotation of apocalypse is such that people decry the complete destruction of the world as humanity knows it, fire and brimstone and inconceivable horror. And this very well may be true. The world may one day decide not to exist anymore and commit suicide, taking along with it all of humanity and various other living creatures. Certainly this would be, presumably, a very bad event. But is this the only way one should view an apocalypse, through the eyes of death and destruction and nihilistic self-loathing at the potential, indeterminate future failure and breakdown? If an end is nearing and death coming for all, should not we make precautions? Perhaps. Then again, perhaps this impending apocalyptic event has already happened for many and those who are wailing about the end of the world have yet to experience it.
            By definition, apocalypse is a catastrophic failsafe for the world at large, a cessation of life, liberty, and free internet porn. Once the end begins it becomes difficult to stop and nothing or no one is safe from harm and certain death most horrible. Cheerful stuff. And of course there are any number of religions, people, or non-entities that lay claim to the fact that apocalypse is imminent and that all humanity should prepare to die. No one, according to these ancient beliefs and prophecies, will be able to outrun, out play, outlast an apocalypse; once the end is upon us, we are all fated. Hold on tight and hope that it goes quickly. Wait, wait, wait, die. That is what is being told us. Although humanity is capable of producing amazing inventions, cures, or massive erections, there is nothing that matters because in the end we will all fall to the apocalypse.
            So, in essence, we are all fucked. No matter what we do, say, think, or attempt, there is no outrunning our certain doom through a cataclysmic event beyond our control. Or is there? If the word apocalypse is defined, truly, by that which we know and accept it, there is no hope. But what if the way in which humanity views the word apocalypse is not that which was intended at all from whence the word was coined? Maybe, just maybe, the translation of the word apocalypse has become so skewed through the ages that the original intent has been lost in the muddled world of confliction and religious zeal. Could not the word apocalypse simply have been meant to lay implication to individual or cultural end times?
            Certainly the world has bastardized linguistic meaning before, humanity does not span eons without a few fuck ups. Revolutions, crusades, petty arguments over sports laws, the Jersey Shore, these things are arguable as fuck ups. Granted none of the examples given fall within the realm of linguistics, but if there can be such massive failure attributed to human stupidity, clearly language barriers will play some part. So would it not be plausible then, that the translation of the word apocalypse, from its origin, could have been misconstrued to imply the end of the world at large rather than its intended purpose of conveying the death of one’s own world?
            That such is the case is not certain, but can be argued. Events in life are often boiled down to two major categories – good and bad. The world is not so simple that all events or decisions should fall into such neatly lined boxes, but often this happens. So, let us say that someone has an event occur in their life that shatters that which they have known and to which they have grown accustomed. For sake of argument, let us say this event is the death of a dearly loved close relation. Death is bad, m’kay. It means that biological and cognitive functions have ceased to exist within the confines of a fleshy pile of humanity.
            For those left in the wake of such a death, this event seems to cause their once pristine world full of puppy farts and rainbow shards to come to a devastatingly crashing halt. Nothing matters anymore, beauty is gone and the one-sidedness of life becomes a stark reality. Once someone transverses the pathway from living to dead, grief and sadness hit, sometimes debilitating those who are left picking up the pieces of their once beautiful life. Often times, those that remain feel so empty and destitute that they claim their world has come to an end. Apocalypse now, baby.
            This is not the only apocalypse that occurs in such a given situation though. Most people are so consumed with narcissism and grief that they fail to even realize that things have become much worse for the person who is actually dead. Obviously, if one is no longer living, the world is at an end for whom the bell tolls and the sun has set. Clearly death is an end to one’s world as there is nothing left to live for. Could this not be the apocalypse of yore, the one that has become mistranslated and used extensively and wrongly to decry the end of the entire world instead of personal atrocity? Of course, every end brings to bear a new beginning; something cathartic to enamor the masses and take focus off the apocalypse just experienced. Most often this includes, whether for better or worse,

Children.

            Wide-eyed and fresh from the vagina, children are often seen as a second chance at life; a reincarnation of lost hopes and dreams in a society long of tooth. In some ways, children are the future. In other ways, however, they most assuredly cause apocalypse. Sure they smell nice, for the six hours before they shit themselves, and the innocence they have is infectious, but children are nothing but trouble. In a world that is renowned for cyclical existence, children are the replacement adults. The worst part is that children are not even remotely apologetic about stealing people’s life force. Children only care about themselves, about eating, sleeping, and shitting on everything they can get their nasty little asses positioned over. Because they are seen as cute, no one seems to care that another person met their demise just so the little parasite could be born. And while all currently vital adults have been children before, conversely all children have been adults at some point.
This argument, of course, smacks of intonations of Hindu beliefs which can obviously be seen by many as controversy in the world religious circles depending on which side you happen to align yourself. Disregarding personal feelings and religious belief, things that will influence decisions and further beliefs, and taking into account a base scientific principle, surely the idea of a reincarnate physicality must be given some merit. Basic thermodynamic theorem, and universal law, states that energy cannot be created or destroyed, ergo and thereby, the apocalypse of a person must itself also give way to a new/re-birth. If for no other reason than people, as they exist both in physical and mental, thus loosely spiritual, capacities are endless bundles of mass and energy the idea of reincarnation must be plausible in some facet.

One in, one out.

          And yet, the gears are grinding, they are being felt with full weight. Undoubtedly, there are thoughts and cries about the exploding population; a problem which, indeed, is being felt the world over. As it stands now, the population is nearing 7 billion, more and more births without a concurrent and identical death rate. However, just because human population is exploding, that does not disprove the above thought, and for one simple reason – stars. Stars are dying throughout the galaxies, as they will often do once, like humanity, their lifespan has reached penultimate conclusion. Luckily, or unluckily depending on your view, humanity as a whole is the beneficiary of the recycled energy, and as such, population booms. Which then, through a long tangential strain, brings us back to the original point about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. Regardless of personal feelings, or even events in life, there is no reason to need to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes because, at some point during this cyclical life, every person has been in someone else’s shoes whether cognizant of the fact or not.

02 May 2011

Undesirable

Hello again, worthy adversary. Well, the inevitable result has come at long last and the road long fraught with perilous inequity reached summation. Many would consider this a good thing, for certainly there are not many who desire the tumultuous beckoning of a life of ill designed warring. And while it is true that many things of the past that brought us to this conclusion were evil, arguably necessary, certainly this does not mean that the end is in sight. Nothing of such grandiose magnitude is truly ever over, merely ceased for undetermined time in face of new resistance. With the end of an era, short though it may be, comes a new beginning filled with much more difficult trials of will, strength, fortitude, and intellect.

In case you had yet to surmise today's topic, last night, in the late hours preceding the turning of the day, local standard time, my sister gave birth to her heathen. A celebratory occasion for most, but not me. If you are unfamiliar with the reasons or background, see earlier posts. Now, insomuch as birth is a typically joyous event, the way in which this particular misfortune came about is much the reason for my disdain thereof. Upon receiving the phone call from mother, and being informed of earlier events of the day, I was instantly pissed. My sister, the selfish, unruly, unappreciative, naive, cock sucking, tax dollar stealing, philandering, lying, life ruiner, demanded, among other things, that her mother, the grandmother-to-be, not be in the hospital for the birth. Yes, you read that right...the hospital, not just the room but the entire building. On top of this, said sister also forced upon mother the offspring already present which the father cares nothing about and is too goddamn lazy to fucking take care of, without so much as requesting as dumping the kid at the doorstep and being ungrateful for the reluctance of mother to say anything and just do it. And of course, there is the topic of the other woman, the new woman, another concubine in the harem, who is not involved in the situation at all but was allowed to be present for the extraction of the devil's spawn.

All this, combined with the previous 9 months of verbal, emotional, and mental abuse from my bitch sister, has renewed my anger, ire, hatred, and wrath. And let's not forget every single person I've ever known telling me that I can't be angry because there is a kid involved, it's not the kid's fault, etc, etc. I'm not fucking retarded, I know it's not the kids fault, but the biological fuck bags who brought the kid in to being -- it is their fault, and I have every right to be angry with them, with the situation, and ESPECIALLY with the treatment my parents have been given throughout. People need to understand that just because there is a kid in the mix, doesn't mean I have to invalidate my feelings on the situation or completely flip my thoughts like most people seem to be doing. In point of fact, I am actually mad at everyone else as well because they are acting now as if the world is perfect just because a puke and shit machine has been cut from my sister's innards. I am an island, I am alone, and I'm an asshole; this is my choice, this my burden, this me.

The best part is that I played unwilling babysitter last night for the already existent Manson child and was subsequently left in a hospital waiting room for 4 hours. Never once was it requested that I go back to the room or even acknowledged by those who caused this monstrous result. Of course, I never would have set foot in the room while the sperm donor was back there lest I throw him through the window and into the street below. However, being taken into consideration would have been at least proper. My sister knows the situation and could have easily cleared the room if she gave a flying fuck about anyone but her goddamn self, but she doesn't. I accept that this child is born, I accept that the mother and father of this child are fucking lazy, selfish, slobs who are so full of narcissism and insecurity that they want no one to interfere with their "life" that consists of lies, deceit, other women, drugs, and alienation. I do not, cannot, and will not, be seen as, or called, uncle to this bastard child. Mostly because my sister, who is unmarried to this waste of human life, refuses to give her little devil the family name. She is naming it after the sperm donor, the final slap in the face, which is funny because I am going to guarantee that in less than a year this asshole is going to leave her. That keeps me smiling throughout this whole thing, and the fact that I will get to say a big fat fucking "I TOLD YOU SO" repeatedly for the rest of my sister's miserable, inconsiderate, life.

14 April 2011

Lamentation for Inspiration

As I sit here, attempting to think of something to say that will be of interest, I find my mind returning again and again to this idea that I've become a stodgy mid-20's grandpa. I'm not, at least not a grandpa, although that would be quite a feat. Uniterestingly, most of my days consist of work, home, reading, and sleep. I feel as if I should still be out closing down bars and trying to find some sloppy drunk girl to take home and question my morality. Of course I don't do these things, mostly because I abhor bars; also I enjoy the prospect of remaining disease free.

Mostly I blame this feeling on my job. Not to say that I don't enjoy what I do. I quite enjoy it, I'm basically the equivalent of a summer camp counselor but with slightly more danger because of the threat of being shanked. Organizing and supervising sports and leisure activities, as well as teaching classes and workshops on how to coach and manage a team, is never boring, nor do I think I will ever hate it, but it does drain the senses. By the end of the day, I am a collapsed shell of a man, well more like an imploded Peep. I scarcely make it home and know that I get to do it all again in about 12 hours time.

Perhaps this means it is time for a vacation. Haven't had one of those in a while, but not by choice. Can't much go into detail on that subject, however. Need to get away from this place and these people, but the main problem is where in the world would I go. Being stuck in west Texas is disadvantageous, anything worth doing takes a day of driving just to feel like you've accomplished anything. Flying is out because of the expense, and the tight pocketbook of the moment. Maybe I'll just take a week, spend the cash, and fly to someplace random. I've always quite liked the prospect of Idaho, or maybe Vermont.

Then again, maybe I'll just take up a new hobby. I hear this cricket thing is all the rage.

08 April 2011

A Random String

I've attempted to come up with something witty to write about today, but so far have come up with nothing. I could rant and rave like a lunatic about the impending governmental breakdown, but that is better left to people who have nothing left to live for. I wouldn't say that I don't care that the government is about to completely halt operations, I do but only because I have friends who will be shit out of luck at midnight.

I've considered writing a satirical piece about life in general, but that always comes off snarky and repugnant, a quality that few, save Britons and a few select Québécois, find appealing or humorous. Which really, when you think about it, is quite sad. The dry whimsy of satire is beautiful. Perhaps I was born to the wrong continent.

Also crossing my mind has been a subtle yarn about flatulence-based humor because the more typical of my familiars seem to find this uproarious. This in particular would be a good topic -- relatable, familiar, base. But it would make me sad, and would in all likelihod turn into a lamentation of the decline of intellect and appreciation of subtlety and esoteric sarcasm.

There is always the age old classic of casual racism. That one is particularly always funny, but tends to turn some people off, alienating the writer and inspiring, ironically, hate-filled speech aimed at the origin by those who claim to be tolerant of everyone but intolerant of the intolerance of others. The paradoxical nature of that ship always puts a huge grin on my face as I watch people stew about in their own unrealized hatred.*

*Special Note: I'm not racist by nature, I use it in situations where I know I can get a reaction. I like pushing buttons and forcing people to confront themselves at their worst. I do not condone racism or racist remarks, but the reactions they evoke are pure comedy gold.*

Lastly, of course,  there is the art of bad joke telling. It's simple, straightforward, and always makes people groan in agony at how stupid someone can be. And yet, the genius lies in making those who think the joke teller is stupid feel stupid for not laughing at something that is so obviously horrible that it is in fact funny. I like these, they inspire my second favorite pastime of bringing forth awkward moments where none existed before. It's sort of like playing God with people's sensibilities and then skull fucking them when you walk away smiling and they feel violated.

And so, since I have nothing good to write about, I bid you adieu. But not before I get in a few classics.

What do you call 10,000 black guys running down a hill?
--Mudslide
What do you call 10,000 Mexicans running down a hill?
--Prison break
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
--"Where's my tractor?!?"
What do you call a man with no arms or legs sitting on the porch?
--Matt

03 April 2011

Ye Old American Pastime

Ah, the refeshing and wonderful crack of a large wooden stick as it contacts a hurled projectile of spherical nature is back. That's right, baseball has begun! And I, for one, couldn't be happier. The smell of pine tar, sweat, chaw, and freshly decapitated grass blades always puts a smile on my face. To say that I have a love affair with baseball is probably accurate, though I consider it to be much more than that; indeed it is an obsession.

There is something about a simple children's game that drives my spirit, most likely that I am still a child at heart myself. I have always been a huge proponent for baseball ever since my first experience when I was but a wee lad at the age of 5. Times were simpler then. There was no talk of steriod abuse, no federal indictments, only the reality that off the field most players were doing so much blow that from week to week you never knew if your favorite player would still be alive when you went to the stadium.

I remember the first game I ever saw. It was June 7, 1987. I was staying with my grandparents in Houston and my grandpa wanted to take me somewhere special, and since I had never seen a baseball game before he decided that was the perfect opportunity. The Astrodome made me feel even smaller than I was and I felt as if we were going into a cave of doom, never to be heard from again. Once inside, I was on sensory overload and began bouncing off the walls because of all the people, sounds, stenches, and the awful, awful colors; they were bright sure, but that special kind of bright that seemed inspired by psychedelic drug use.

As grandpa had bought tickets at the gate, we were in the upper deck on the first base side, right behind the Astros dugout. And that's where I saw him emerge -- the pitcher. Unbeknownst to me at the time, this man was going to inspire me very soon, steal my childhood affections, and become my consummate hero. That man was none other than the fabled and legendary Nolan Ryan. I recall my grandpa telling me that he was the best in the game, a fireballin' hellion is what he called him, and watching him pitch that day, I fell in love with him and baseball for life.

I don't remember much else from the game, mostly because I was on such a sugar high from grandpa spoiling me with cotton candy and ice cream from those tiny helmets and innumerable colas, but a few strange instances stick out. The Astros won that day, a close game, 3-0. And somewhere during the game, I can remember everyone getting all hyped up because of some music and screaming in unison. Being a good fan I joined in as well, screaming at the top of my lungs, "SHAAAAARK!" Each time I did this, my grandpa and the people around me would laugh which I thought was because I was so damn cute. It wasn't until a couple years later, at my first Texas Rangers game, that I learned what everyone was yelling was "CHARGE!," not "shark," but to my little ears, with the echoes of the Astrodome, it had sounded like "shark" to me.

That day was amazing, and instilled in me a love of baseball, and Nolan Ryan, so deep that the tie can never be broken. As I grew up, it became clear that I was destined to be a lifetime fan, if not a player, of baseball because of my family legacy. All of my uncles played baseball through high school and college, but my uncle, Pat, played on the same high school team with The Rocket, Roger Clemens. There is a picture of me, my uncle, and Rocket during their high school years that was taken when I was 2 (I don't remember meeting him in his younger years as my memory only begins shortly after my 5th birthday) which has become one of my favorite possessions.

And this year, after seeing him pitch countless games as a Ranger, and being present for No-Hitter #7 againt Toronto, I will be sitting mere feet from my childhood hero, Nolan Ryan, in a couple of weeks. If I don't faint or puke upon seeing him enter the stadium, I will finally and forever get to meet the man that inspired my hours and years of dedication to baseball and the Texas Rangers.