20 March 2011

An Update Long Overdue

Wow, so it has been a while. Sorry I've neglected you, dear infant blog. Glad to see that you are not yet totally dead. Perhaps I arrived in the (k)nick of time, either that or I'm just completely self-important today...probably the latter.

Moving on....

Undoubtedly most anyone who has an active email account receives junk mail. It happens, really nothing you can do about it besides hit delete and pretend it was never there. The other day, I came across a sheet of scribbled notebook paper that had a very, VERY, old email account and password of mine scrawled across it. For a lark, I decided to see if the log-in still worked. To my surprise, it did. Now, I have no desire to begin using this account again (especially as the domain is prone to security issues and junk mail), but as I sat there looking at the number of emails actually in the junk box I formulated an idea.

Many of the emails in the junk box appeared to be tied to the days when I used to scavenge free porn for personal use. Yep, I did just put that out there. Don't judge, you did it, too, in your adolescence (if you just smiled and admitted silently to yourself that you did, 10 points). Out of curiosity, I opened one. It was as I suspected, and a random link was in the message with a rather odd, poorly spelled couple of sentences at the bottom. I thought that was strange, but the sentences at the bottom were kind of funny. Anyway, my idea was thus -- If all of these junky emails have odd sentences at the bottom, why not open them all and then take the sentences and formulate a story, or poetry, out of these otherwise useless bits of electronika?

And so, I have done just that. I am currently still working through a good portion of reorganizing the sentences, mostly fixing the glaring spelling errors, but have managed to get one such poem completed. I am doing nothing aside from the spelling correction, no grammar, no addition or subtraction of words. I want the original text to speak for itself as an artform. For reasons of syntax and flow, some of the sentences were broken up into two parts but the two always follow one another immediately. This particular piece is composed of roughly 20 emails, give or take. And now, without further ado, I present the first ever Junk Mail Sentence Poem entitled Excuse Me, Swayed Fastened.

Excuse Me, Swayed Fastened

Treat yourself right,
And enjoy the fruits of your labor.
It takes less than 30 seconds.
Did you know?

It's a virtual tomato factory with a new crop.
A babe fucking a ramrod taller --
Slam, jam and bang them all with a wider rooster,
The results could leave you smiling.

Pretty brunette teens declared that purpose,
Announced the dark and nearly as strong.
Pretty ebony in lace gloves,
Fell the lost.

Kent remarked the box in these houses that Erumst,
Dorothy said tick tock of Jinxland.
Quickly as well so you said,
We depend on a ewe.

Yoou have earned a litimed time offer of 1000 Eoru!
Even his own accord they heard that.
If you're a sole proprietor,
It's time you discovered Nevada.

This well finally the magician, Huxpeev.
Honor the secret,
Be ashamed of Pingaree,
Watches were always highly prized.

Money rules,
Sex follows,
And does that must always getting tired,
Hypothermia was the likely cause of death.

Don't believe unrealistic clams,
Leg was sorry he discovered it does.